Where Am I Again?
by katbybee
Summary: Written for the 17) The Land of the Rising Hun Challenge -96 Hubbles, to get an Asian into Stalag 13. (This counts, right?) Chin-Ho Kelly has a rather unusual encounter, though things are business-as-usual for Papa Bear and Co. Contains a bit of Chin whump. Obviously ignores H50 canon. I'm good at ignoring canon! Usual useless disclaimers apply.


A/N: This story ignores absolutely everything taking place on H50 currently, and could be placed virtually anywhere after Season 3, Episode 13.

~HHH50~

Stalag 13

Chin Ho Kelly opened his eyes slowly. His body ached and his head spun. He was also cold. His vision faded in and out. _This was definitely not one of his better days._

He was laying on his back on a hard surface…maybe a wooden bunk? The smell hit him next…a mixture of rancid sweat, urine and body odor. Other things he couldn't, or didn't want, to identify. Familiar, yet different. _Prison._

"Easy mate. I wouldn't try it if I was you. Whatever those bastards wanted from you," yer pretty banged up. I'd bet they didn't get it."

Chin slowly turned his head to look at the man crouched on the floor of the filthy cell. His vision must have been worse that he thought, because the dark-haired man smoking in the corner was wearing what looked like a vintage RAF WW2 uniform. _Okay, what the hell?_

Painfully, Chin finally got his voice to work. "Who are you? Where am I?"

"Corporal Peter Newkirk, mate. As to where you are, well, if there's a bright spot left in the world, I'm afraid ol' Stalag 13 ain't it." The Cockney grinned brilliantly.

Chin lay back, pillowing his head on his hands. His head was killing him, but he had to figure this out. Because if there was one thing he knew for sure, it was that he did _not_ belong here. Wherever _here_ was.

He heard a scraping noise from behind him, and Newkirk stood. "Teatime, mate!"

One of the concrete blocks in the back wall slid aside and a small man wearing a red sweater and olive drab pants brought in a tray covered with a cloth. Oddly, he showed no more surprise at Chin's presence then had the Brit. The dark-haired man set the tray on the small table built into the wall. He spoke with a heavy French accent. He smiled. "Here, _mes amis._ Eat your dinner." He looked at Chin. "Colonel Hogan says to tell you that Kinch has contacted London and we will be ready to move you out tomorrow night. Just follow Corporal Newkirk's lead…he _usually_ knows what he is doing."

The man smirked as Newkirk replied, "Ah, leave off, LeBeau!"

Chin sat up carefully. "Uh, thanks. Thanks very much."

LeBeau smiled and disappeared into the tunnel once again. Chin stared as the block slid back into place.

Newkirk watched him and laughed. "Handy, innit?"

Wordlessly, Chin nodded. They ate in silence. Chin was surprised at the quality of the food, though there wasn't much of it.

"Better get some sleep, mate. You could do with it."

"What about you? You don't look too comfortable sitting down there."

The Brit snorted. "Ahh, I've slept in a lot worse places than this, believe me." He pulled his greatcoat tighter around him and settled against the wall. He put another cigarette in his mouth and looked up at him "Want one?"

Chin shook his head. "No thanks."

"Suit yourself." He shrugged, lit the cigarette and smoked quietly.

Chin closed his eyes, wondering what the next morning would bring.

~HHH50~

Tripler Hospital, Honolulu

"How's he doin'?" Steve rested his hand on his friend's shoulder.

Kono sighed. "The doctor would be a lot happier if he'd wake up. It's already been nearly 24 hours since the accident. He's breathing on his own, which is good, but they have him on oxygen and all kinds of monitors. We won't know if there's any brain damage until he actually wakes up."

Danny asked, "Can we see him?"

She nodded. "They let me in for a few minutes once an hour for right now. She looked at her two closest friends. "I hate this." She stepped away from them and dropped into a chair.

Steve sighed. "Yeah, well, HPD nailed the idiot that ran the light and hit him. Turned out he was texting and never saw Chin. No question. He still had his phone in his hand. He didn't even have a scratch."

Kono growled deep in her throat, and Danny realized it was good the jerk was in HPD custody, or he'd be toast about now.

Kono stood and walked to gaze out the window at the rain. "How many times, guys? How many times are we gonna stand here looking out at that parking lot, waiting for news. Waiting to hear if one of us is gonna live or die?" Pain laced her words.

Steve moved to her side and put his arm around her shoulder. "Probably a lot more than we want."

She nodded and put her head on his shoulder as Danny moved to her other side. She put her arm around him, and they stood supporting each other, staring out at the rain.

~HHH50~

Stalag 13

The day had been long and boring. Chin supposed it was a good thing he didn't smoke, or he would have lost all his cigarettes to Newkirk, who turned out to be a killer gin player. He mentioned this fact to the Brit, who laughed.

"If you think I'm good, you should take on me mate, Andrew! 'e's wizard!"

Chin wasn't familiar with the slang, but figured if this Andrew was better than Newkirk, he must really be good. "So, tell me about him."

"Who, Carter? He's a daft one. Likes to blow stuff up. Best mate a bloke could 'ave though."

The rest of the afternoon was spent with Newkirk telling Chin stories about each of his friends, and Chin told Newkirk a little about his family in Hawaii.

It was well after dark when he heard the tunnel block open and suddenly Newkirk tapped him on the shoulder. "Come on, mate. Time for you to go home."

~HHH50~

Tripler Hospital

As always, the ohana had gathered, and were all together waiting when word finally came. They had all taken turns sitting with Chin over the last 37 hours. The tests had indicated a concussion, but no other major injuries. He would wake up when, and _if_ , he was ready.

The doctor came in and sought out Kono. For the first time since she had met him, he was smiling. "I have some good news. "Your cousin is awake. He is somewhat groggy, but I expect that will clear up, given time. There appears to be no brain damage at all."

It was a good thing Steve was standing next to her, because Kono sagged in relief, and he caught her as the room erupted into celebration. After a few moments, she followed the doctor back to go visit Chin.

Two days later, Steve offered to go and pick up some clothes for Chin. He would be coming home that afternoon, and Steve wanted to give the cousins as much time together as possible. Nobody was talking about how lucky Chin had been to survive the accident, but photos from the scene had made it chillingly clear. His bike had been scattered all over the intersection…completely totaled. Chin himself had been thrown nearly twelve feet. If not for his helmet, they likely would have been planning his funeral.

The young man who had hit him was still in jail, trying to raise bail money. He was facing a number of serious charges, including the possible loss of his license because he was a minor.

Steve let himself into Chin's place and stared at his coffee table in amazement. From what Kono had told him, Chin had gotten a munchie attack and headed to the corner market for some snacks, which was when the accident had happened. He smirked. Apparently, Chin had been in the middle of binge watching a television show. He picked up one of the DVD's. _Hogan's Heroes? Huh._ He vaguely remembered his dad mentioning that show. He shrugged and dropped the disc onto the table before continuing on into the bedroom to find his friend some clothes.

~Epilogue~

Peter Newkirk had been released from the cooler a few hours earlier. He was sitting at the table smoking and getting slaughtered at gin by Carter. Hogan's door opened and he stuck his head out. "Newkirk, a word?"

As he stood, Peter grinned. "Discharge?"

Hogan rolled his eyes. "Sorry, that's not it."

Newkirk smirked as he stepped into Hogan's quarters. "Sir?"

"Sorry for the delay in getting you out of the cooler. Klink was in a bit of a snit, and it took me a while to get him calmed down."

"It's alright. Nothin' new."

There was a soft knock on the door. "Come."

Kinch stepped inside and handed Hogan a note. Hogan read it and smiled.

"Mission accomplished! Package delivered safely!"

Newkirk grinned. "I'm glad. 'e seemed like a good bloke. Was kind of odd 'avin' somebody from Pearl Harbor here, though."

Hogan frowned. "Yeah, you'd think he'd be fighting in the Pacific…Oh, well, who knows? Let's go see what LeBeau's got planned for dinner, shall we?"

~The End~

A/N: Okay, shades of "Pleasantville…" and "Last Action Hero?" The background image on my cover photo is by RM Photography. I found it on Google.


End file.
